We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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