yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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