You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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