I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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