And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
