How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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