Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my liver is dry heaving
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
