You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
