No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
