Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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