wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
