My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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