I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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