Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
