How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
