I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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