I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios