Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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