PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.