Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia