clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.