I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?