What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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