Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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