the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
