I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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