At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
