Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
