She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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