And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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