Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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