I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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