So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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