I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
