I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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