wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
