i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
