the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
