I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
