The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
