It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
