She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
