just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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