ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
