i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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