jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
