the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
