dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
