I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
