I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
