At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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