i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
