I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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