im about as happy as oj after his trial
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
