What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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