forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
