is your mom at the bar?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
