so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize