I just threw up on my dentist
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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