He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
