guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
