I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
