"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
