You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
