he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
