Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
