Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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