i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
