i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
