I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
