Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
