i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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