You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
