it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
