you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
