Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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